next »

[Centurion]

Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'.
Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:
HIJACK AN AIRLINER
and win
A COUNCIL HOUSE!
We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor,

The British Taxpayer.
And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.

Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British Passport, and you only need one word of English:
'ASYLUM'
Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at 180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and
accosting drivers at traffic lights.
This competition is open to everyone
buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.

No application ever refused - reasonable or unreasonable.
All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password:
'ASYLUM'
A few years ago, 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury
200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel.
They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain ..
Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area, in Historic Bedfordshire.

If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget, there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience
Just apply for legal aid.
Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help.
It won't cost you a penny.
It could change your life forever.
So play today.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet
activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers,
bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...
COME ON DOWN!

Get along to the airport!
Get along to the lorry park!
Get along to the ferry terminal!
Don't stop in Germany or France !
Go straight to Britain
And you are:
GUARANTEED
to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the easiest game on earth.
Everyone's a winner, when they play
'ASYLUM'
FORWARD THIS TO EVERY BRITISH TAXPAYER YOU KNOW!       
****************************************************************************   

NEWS FACT: ESTIMATED 350,000 IMMIGRANTS INTO UK IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS.
NEWS TWO DAYS AGO: 32,000 ILLEGALLY IMMIGRANTS DEPORTED IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS!
WORK THE SUCCESS RATE OUT FOR YOURSELF!!!

 

[keasy]

 

---------


Welcome to a new game...

DAILY MAIL FEAR FACTOR!
Daily play via the publication.

Yes all you need is a gullible personality and the ability to be xenophobic whilst regarding every piece of sensational bullshit we print to be the truth. Check against your game card given away free tomorrow to all white middle class white collar workers with a panache for zero tolerance towards  Johnny Foreigner  and if you tick all the boxes you win..!!!

YOU WIN!!!
A 1ST CLASS STATE OF THE ART IN COMPASSIONATE HATRED FOR ANYONE CROSSING OUR BORDERS!


 

Soz Cent, ain't getting at you mate, just drawing a parody is all

[Centurion]

I agree mate it's a bit over the top......There is a problem to be sorted out but on the hole most people coming here are here to work & make a better life for themselves.....

"One of my freinds is a Pole".......

[keasy]

Do you often dance around him semi clad whilst accepting monetary gifts slipped down your G-String ?


 

[Centurion]

Only when he's just got his Dole.......

[keasy]

PMSL

A Pole on the dole!   

[eatit]

Heres another take

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, and the table...everywhere. Then some of the birds turned mean: They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud: They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food. After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...quite, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now lets see...our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be a automatic citizen. Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families: you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor: your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English: Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to press "one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than "Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties. Maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

In a meadow on a hot summer’s day, a Grasshopper was chirping and carousing his time away. He watched scornfully as an Ant nearby struggled to store up large kernels of food and build a secure nest. The Ant pulled overtime shifts to pay off his loans and accumulate retirement funds for the future.

“Give it a rest,” the Grasshopper said. “Why bother saving and slaving and toiling and moiling? Let’s party!” The Ant demurred: “I am planning ahead for winter and you should do the same.” The Grasshopper blew off the Ant, squandered his supplies the rest of the season, and abandoned his home while on vacation (paid for by tapping every last cent of his home equity gain) instead of holding down a job.

When winter came, the Grasshopper’s pantry was empty and his shelter ruined from neglect. The Ant, weary from planting, harvesting, and stocking up for months, was dining comfortably in his nest.

Cold, hungry, jobless, facing foreclosure, and up to his two pairs of eyeballs in debt, the Grasshopper limped to the Association of Community Winged Insects for Rescue Now and demanded recourse. The office was swamped with thousands just like him. ACWIRN immediately put the Grasshopper to work registering dead ants as new voters.

Funded with tax dollars from the rest of the meadow’s residents, ACWIRN organized mass protests at the Bank of Antamerica, ambushed its top officials at their private homes, harassed their children, and demanded that the meadow’s politicians halt all foreclosures (”We must keep Grasshoppers in their houses!”) and outlaw discriminatory lending practices against starving, homeless Grasshoppers (”Well-stocked shelters are basic insect rights!”)

The banking industry capitulated; the Orthoptera Lobby secured hundreds of millions of dollars in housing earmarks and grants and counseling subsidies to support the Grasshoppers with the shadiest credit and employment histories. Antie Mae, the meadow’s government-backed home lending giant, fueled the push for increased insect homeownership in the name of biodiversity. Its executives cooked the books and headed for the hills. Katie Cricket and the Mainstream Meadow Media joined the grievance-for-profit circus, profiling Grasshopper sob stories and drumming up ratings as bewildered Ants wondered who was looking out for them.

The banks drowned in toxic debt. More Grasshoppers fell behind on their mortgage payments. Bailout mania and panic gripped the meadow.

Our little Ant, minding his own business, heard a knock on his door one late winter night a year later. It was his old, sneering Grasshopper neighbor. With ACWIRN’s presidential candidate, Barack Cicada, now in office, the Grasshopper had been hired by the meadow as a tax collector.

“I’m here to take your provisions,” the Grasshopper cackled.

But it was the Ant who had the last laugh. “I’ve learned my lesson,” he told his shiftless friend. “Why bother saving and slaving and toiling and moiling? I’ve spent all my savings. I’m walking away from my mortgage. Thrift is for suckers,” the Ant said as he headed out the door, leaving the Grasshopper empty-handed.

Gotta laugh, but, there is some truth behind them

[Wooster]

People seem to have a habit of forming cliques when times get hard (the old monkey brain kicks in I think).

"All happy families are alike, but each unhappy family is unhappy after its own fashion."

Did you know that the word 'economy' is derived from the Greek word for family or household?

[Hap Hazzard]

I say let more in , so we can hate them more, then maybe they'll leave faster 

or send them to Scotland

or send them to the Orkney Islands to grow trees.

Give it 20yrs then we can do some ethnic cleansing

[papa_lazarou]

Doesnt matter what way you put it, if you agree with what's being said about them taking jobs it makes you racist in this day in age. So thereby Im a racist 

[Wooster]

It's funny how impressions can mislead people.

Take the other night for instance.
When I met you I didn't take you for an ignorant bigot, but now I know better.

Who exactly is 'them' and where do you stop? (and bear in mind...it doesn't matter who the fuck you are..you'll always be a 'them' to someone else)


*edit* FTR:I don't like this creeping racism and layering of society at all. It's narrow minded and solves fuck all. (i.e. Let's kick out  the Gambian Doctor but keep the junkie living next door because he's white.)
The narrow mindedness and lack of thought behind this attitude sickens me.
Start off down that road and won't be long will it be until we start to see the(m) English barred from taking up jobs in Scotland (and vice versa)?
So? How far down that road do you want to travel?
Don't you think that it's a rather dangerous attitude to take for someone who is planning a career based on the attitudes of international employers?

[papa_lazarou]

I dont mean the jobs its more the NHS being exploited. I cant remember what tv program did an interview with a woman from Poland or some country like that but she said she came over here and went straight onto the disabled allowance and has her house paid for her and bills and the money she gets from her DLA she sends back home, when asked if she would return to work or Poland she said she would never take up a job again if she can stay on the DLA and the kicker was that there is nothing wrong with her and shes not the only one.
Thousands of British people do it aswell and we all hate them for it but as soon as they are of a different background suddenly if we find what they are doing wrong being racist.

Im not a racist by choice Im branded one

[Wooster]

You branded yourself one though, and seemed quite proud of it.

Read my edit..btw

There's no sense in taking one example (or several, if you allow yourself to manipulated by the (quite deliberate) 'choice picks' of some UK newspapers) of someone taking advantage of the system and tar everyone who didn't fit with the same brush.

There's always going to be people who will take advantage of the system, regardless of colour, nationality, religion or wealth.
Most people with the opportunity and ability to be productive in society will try do exactly that (no-one wants to live in squalor all their days if they can help it), and by the same token, everyone who thinks they can take advantage of the situation will do so too (regardless of race, creed or colour).
[if you are looking for the real drains on society...look to the ultra wealthy. Some of their corporate tax dodges have been costing us billions in revenue over the years, while the average joe contributes at source two, three, maybe four times]

Society is full of holes, that's why most civilised societies only employ the bastards (and I mean that most sincerely folks) elected to fix them for four or five years at a time.

[Grant]

Everyone is a little bit racist. If you say you're not, you're probably lying.







Or a jew.

[Hap Hazzard]

The NHS was set up to help the most vulnerable people in British society not the rest of the worlds most vulnerable.

Fat cats grow big, but their money keeps the world going round. If you want them in this country to keep people in work this is the price you have to pay, as we do not own much now.

A lot of British citizens sponge, but this has been compounded by an influx of foreign folks, cracks are starting to show.

If you don't like it........... vote the bastards out.

If you want to live better , better yourself, if that means pushing other people out of the road , so be it, thats how everyone else does it.

Everyone has a skills, be it sponging, conning,working all hours of the day, choose your weapons and live.  

Read newspapers at your own peril.

Fuck it lets blow up Iran